Already got asked if we're dating
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
