eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize