i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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