Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
