yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
