Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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