im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's the barista slut.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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