quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
