East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
