Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
