i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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