she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
