OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
