I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
