I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize