I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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