the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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