Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
