i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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