p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
