hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
