Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize