can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
