Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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