there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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