That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
