we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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