Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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