Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
