it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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