just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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