Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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