Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize