My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
