I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize