morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
