come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
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