I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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