My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
