I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
