ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
