He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize