my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
