Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
