Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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