you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
