Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
