So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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