Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
