Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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