I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
