I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
