I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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