I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
