The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
