It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
