i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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