today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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