Will you blow on my dice?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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