i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize