When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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