then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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