Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
