Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize