I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
