wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
