ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
