Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
bring money and cleavage
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
