I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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