i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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