I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize