i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
