I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
