your parents love me but you hate me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this will be a night to untag.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
