Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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