he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
