She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
