so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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