Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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