your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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