trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize