I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
