she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
